A TBomb on Your Head
by xSoliloquy
Summary: Everyone's addicted to something.. throw in a Duo who is bored and likes to play pranks. You therefore have a problem. Second installment in the Intervention series.


**A/n**: Okay, this is the second installment to the "Intervention" series. Hopefully you enjoyed the former and will enjoy this one as well.

**Warning: There is _slight_ Relena bashing in this story. Also tons of stupid humor.**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gundam Wing. -hides complete boxset- Reeeally o.o

**Summary**: Everyone's addicted to something… throw in a Duo who is bored and likes to blow stuff up. You therefore have a problem.

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_**T-Bomb on Your Head**_

* * *

"Duo… dare I ask what you're doing?" Quatre inquired as he walked into the living room and found said person giving what looked like mouth to mouth to a fork.

"She won't wake up!" He cried, clutching the eating utensil like it was a lifeline. "I caught her doing cocaine earlier and she got a nosebleed and passed out and I can't wake her UP!"

The blonde, who was now questioning the mental health of his friend, cocked his head to the side and stared. Duo stared back, blinking. Slowly he took the fork and stuffed it under the couch cushion before smiling brightly.

"We'll never mention this again, right? Right!"

Heero walked into the room just as Duo jumped up to exit. Grabbing the sleeve of the eccentric pilot, he pinned him with a dark stare.

"And what are we doing today?"

"Nothing at all, why would you ask such a funny question that has no answer? I'M FINE! Don't look at me with that tone of voice, I'm not crazy. I'm not." Duo glared at the person who was currently holding his clothing in a vice grip. "At least I never blew myself up!"

With that Duo ran out of the room, part of his sleeve ripping off in Heero's hand

* * *

It was Duo's favorite holiday and he was excited. Aside from Heero's death threat this morning, nothing was going to bring the braided pilot down from his happy mood. You see, on this day of Turkey Duo had made a plan. A plot. An evil scheme. A… humorous idea that would be put into effect soon. He'd decided, after being threatened by the overly-aggressive pilot 01, that Heero needed a new catch phrase. "I will kill you." Was just getting old! And boring! And old!

So, as the guests piled in to enjoy the Thanksgiving meal that Quatre and Trowa were preparing, Duo moved to put his plan into action. He walked into the kitchen, pasting on his most innocent look when the two occupants turned their gaze on him. Trowa looked slightly suspicious while Quatre looked resigned to his fate.

"What is it Duo?" The latter asked lightly, tapping a wooden spoon against the pot in which he was stirring gravy.

"I just wanted to know if I could… help." Said person asked with a charming smile. That wasn't fooling anyone.

"I don't know… don't you want to go annoy Heero or Relena? Or watch television until the food is done? You've never been one to take part in the preparation." The blonde said with reluctance as Duo padded over to him slowly.

"Please? I just want to do my part and help out! I know you must get tired of being everyone's maid around here. Come on, in the spirit of the holiday!"

"Fine… you can take over stirring the gravy." Quatre relented, wincing when Trowa shot him a look as if to ask "Are you nuts?"

"YAY! Thank you Qu!"

And so it was that the three Gundam pilots slaved over the stove and counters, preparing a meal that _no one_ would soon forget. Just as they were pulling the turkey out of the oven a noise startled all but one of them. It sounded like a bomb had gone off. Trowa and Quatre jumped in surprise, while Duo pasted a look of bewilderment on his features that was actually kind of believable. Sort of.

"What was that?" The blonde asked nervously, Trowa already making his way out of the kitchen to check. Duo turned to his companion with a shrug.

"I don't know, why don't you go check? I can handle this until you get back." He said with utmost sincerity. Quatre looked undecided for a moment before Duo gently pushed him toward the door. "Go. It will be fine, I promise."

Barely holding in a maniac laugh the Deathscythe pilot watched as the blonde left him alone in the kitchen. His plan was going _very_ smoothly. Turning his attention back to the star of the show he was going to put on, Duo eyed the turkey with a critical look.

"Yes… you will do just nicely." He chuckled evilly before setting everything up with a whistle.

* * *

"That was so odd." Relena said as everyone sat down at the table to enjoy the meal that the three Gundam pilots had prepared. The guests all nodded in agreement to her statement. "I don't understand how a plant could just spontaneously combust?"

"Eh, it can't." Quatre replied as he scooped some mashed potatoes on his plate and then passed the platter to Trowa, who was seated next to him. "Someone planted a low caliber grenade in the soil. That's what made it explode."

"Who would be demented enough to blow up a damn potted plant?" Howard asked as he gave a barely noticeable glance to the braided man sitting on his left.

"Who ever did it will have to pay severely in the next life. Exploding fauna is just bad karma." Wufei acknowledged with a grave nod of his head as he put a serving of beans on his plate.

"Normally I'd have blamed Duo for doing this, but he was apparently indisposed in the kitchen with Trowa and Quatre when the explosive went off." Heero said, pinning a glare at the person in question. There was something fishy going on here, and if the person who'd blown up the bonsai tree was in fact Duo then Heero had a bullet waiting to go up said person's unmentionable.

"I don't think that anyone is to blame. Honestly, that tree has been looking depressed for days, it probably nicked a grenade off of one of us five and blew it's _self_ up. Suicidal son of a bitch. ANYWAY!" Duo proclaimed loudly, tired of the subject of plant deaths. Especially because he _had_ in fact ordered the blowing of the plant to pieces. He had accomplices _everywhere_. All part of his grand plan, you see. "This stuff's good, if I do say so myself."

"Yes, it is quite delicious. Who will be carving the turkey tonight, though?" Zechs asked curiously. At that everyone got quiet, contemplating who would in fact do so. It was then that they heard a low and steady beeping emitting from somewhere near the food.

"What's that?" Relena asked curiously, cocking her head to the side.

"If I didn't know any better…" Wufei started.

"I'd say that sounded like…" Quatre continued, slowly inching out of his chair.

"But that's impossible, it couldn't be...." Trowa countered as he stared at the many plates of food, as if looking for the one that would play such a practical joke on them. If food objects were alive and could consciously play a joke. Moving along.

"But still, I'd swear it was…" Zechs mumbled with a furrowed brow. Howard had already hid under the table and Quatre was slowly backing away from the food.

"A bomb." Heero finished their incomplete sentences. Duo snickered and ducked under the table with Howard, as soon as he did so the bomb blew. The turkey exploded. There was something _FISHY_ going on here!

With a growl Heero wiped the remains of the bird from his face, glaring at the seat that Duo had previously occupied.

"Duo…" He thundered. "I'm going to kill you!"

"HEEERO!" Relena whined, shrieking sporadically as she took in the mess that now decorated her pink dress. Her _favorite_ pink dress.

"Relena, stuff it! We have more important things to worry about than your ear-drum splitting screeches of Heero's name." Duo shot out from underneath the table and sent a glare at said girl.

"How _dare-_" Duo promptly cut her off,

"Moving along. Heero, you have a problem and this is… an intervention."

"_Excuse_ me?" Said person asked with an arched eyebrow. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"You have an addiction with the phrase "I'll kill you." And it needs to be stopped."

"…" Heero didn't know whether to hit the braided pilot or leave the room. He chose the former.

"Hey! That's cruel. Now-" Duo began but was cut off by Wufei.

"What did blowing up the turkey have to do with an intervention for Heero?"

"I'm getting to that, if you'd just-" Once more he was cut off by Trowa.

"I'm assuming you're the one who blew up the bonsai tree?"

"He must've, since he blew up the turkey." Zechs said with conviction.

"Now what are we going to eat? The turkey's gone man and that ain't cool." Howard said with a slight whine.

"SHUT UP!" Duo shouted. When the quiet fell he turned his irritated gaze upon Howard. "Stop trying to act innocent, you're the one who blew up the damn bonsai tree."

"It was your idea!"

"SO? Not like you've never decided to blow up forestry before! Hell, you'd probably end up putting it in your damn pipe and smoking it you good for nothing stoner!"

"Now that was below the belt! _You've_ smoked too!"

"Only two times! And that's-" Duo was once more cut off as he was advancing threateningly toward his friend, fists clenched.

"WHAT DO EXPLODING TURKEYS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?" Quatre shouted, at the end of his patience. He was infuriated at his dinner being ruined, curious about why Duo would do so, and peeved at the argument that was giving him a headache.

"Oh, that. Well," Duo said with a grin, turning his violet gaze to the person he'd done all this for. Heero glared at him. "It's for your new phrase!"

"…What?" Trowa asked in confusion.

"Yeah! How cool would that be? Instead of saying "I'll kill you." Heero would say, "I'll T-bomb you." It just flows, yeah?"

"…He's a complete imbecile." Zechs muttered in fascination.

"Well, at least one problem's solved." Wufei said lightly and everyone looked at him in question. "The turkey was carved."

A round of laughs began and everyone sat down to finish their meals, ignoring Duo who was still blabbering about t-bombs and combusting plants. It was, as previously said, a Thanksgiving to remember. Especially for Duo.

Shortly after everyone had left for their own homes and the turkey mess had been cleaned, four of the five friends were already asleep while Duo was doing the dishes as punishment for his crime.

Duo was just drying the last plate when a cold chill ran down his spine, indicating that there was something behind him. He held still, gripping the plate like a weapon. A breath blew across his ear as a familiar voice spoke lowly.

"Duo… if you ever do something like that again… I _will_ T-bomb you."

With shock said person realized that the voice was Heero's. When he turned to grin at the pilot for using his phrase, there was no one there. Laughing in happiness, he turned around and finished his work.

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A/n: How was it? I tried to make it pretty funny but I dunno if I succeeded or not. Was it better than the previous one, or worse? Let me know! Thanks for reading and as always- review!


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